Recently I have been examining issues that have been cropping up in my life. In last week’s blog, I discussed repetition compulsion. This is a condition that occurs when we revisit certain behaviors time and time again as a result of previous traumas in our lives and our responses to them.
Besides repetition compulsion, I find myself at times in a whirlwind of activity then I am “crashing”, at first I thought this may be an issue with manic depression however I learned through therapy that this was not the case. Then I found myself in this whirlwind again after the death of my beloved Uncle Elbert. Uncle Elbert was a father figure to me however he was not a replacement for my dad who has always been present in my life. When Uncle Elbert first became sick not long after the death of my husband it was difficult to accept and handle, so I managed it through the pandemic by distancing myself because it allowed me to avoid facing the inevitable passing of my own parents. After the funeral that’s when the activity began, I rushed around to do all kinds of activities but then just as quickly as it began I slowed down and lost my motivation. What was happening? I was consistently putting off doing the things I knew I needed to get done. Then I ran across an article “Trauma Drive’ Could Be Why You’re Unmotivated. Here’s How To Handle It” by Amanda Vining and it all started to come together. I started to examine the circumstances around my recent activity burst and could tie it directly to this event.
Amanda Vining says in her article “Emotional distress, wellness, mental health, and the need for healing are all spheres that are emerging in popular discourse, and they’re also all related to trauma. The American Psychological Association defines trauma as a person’s emotional response following an upsetting, unexpected, or unsettling event.” Read More It all started to make sense as to why I was responding in this way. As with other issues I am starting to examine in my life I am working to recognize certain behaviors adjust around them and give myself grace in these moments. I find that when I go through these various issues in my life I tend to berate myself deeply which creates more inaction.
Writing this blog post is one way for me to address the issues I am facing in my life and through community, I hope to not only heal myself, but I hope to assist others in their healing processes.
-Shelly
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